omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
