Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
