New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
