well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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