dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
