he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
