Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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