Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
