my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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