We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
