How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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