Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
