I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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