Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
