we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
