u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize