She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
