Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
