I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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