lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
