I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
