Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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