I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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