I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize