I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
