Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
