you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
