I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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