No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
