If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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