if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
