I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
