38 yer olds are good kisserssss
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
