youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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