i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
