in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
