pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
