She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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