did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How does one acquire holy water?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
