i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
