two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
