she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We got so high we made milksteak
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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