I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
