How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
