We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize