I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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