I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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