Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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