Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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