we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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