on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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