I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
