I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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