some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
