Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
