my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
