fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
