just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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