he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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