You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
