listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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