so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
