If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
