why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
