hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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