The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
