I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize