oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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