My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
