....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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