you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
