I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
