remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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