dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
