So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
