I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
