And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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