that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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